Hello my friends,
A new year has arrived and the past one is, well, in the past.
These last two years have not been red letter, barn burner years here at Frippery Farmhouse.
Needless to say my hopes for 2012 are for better days.
However I hesitate to use the word "hope" because in a way it connotes things that are out of our control.
I do not want to look at things as beyond control.
Not any longer.
As many of you have been traveling along side me for a while know, for the past two years my hubs has been job hunting. To no avail.
He has started a business of his own but that is slow going, with little income and nothing steady like the "good old days".
The good old days being ones where hubby was traditionally employed and bringing home a paycheck which allowed me to stay home and raise our children in a quite comfortable way.
To have family vacations and not hesitate over every small purchase.
Days when he drove a company car and had good health insurance (not free mind you, but good).
Those days ended 2 years ago when he was downsized...
in his fifties...
when no one wants to hire you anymore.
At first we were like "no problem, someone as successful as he is will surely be hired right away"...
Then reality slowly creeped in.
I have spoken to so many of you in the same situation.
Many more than I would have dreamed possible a few years back.
Now we share a single car, try to cover the necessities without emptying our savings and pray.
Yes, we have had a better life than many and still do.
I don't want you to think I don't realize we have been blessed,
but it was a life altering change none the less.
I will not stop praying but I will stop hoping.
Not giving up, just letting go of the thought that the old days will return.
I have spent too much of the past year in wailing and gnashing teeth.
Fighting against something that I could not change.
It happened, it was in the past, I needed to let it go.
I have a problem with letting go.
Endings of any kind cause me to go all weepy and emotional.
Talk about no control!
I even have issues with turning off the Christmas lights each year for the final time.
That's why I haven't started taking things down until today.
Today is the day to let go.
It's over, say goodnight to that old life and those expectations.
That past has gone, it is time to begin without baggage.
Start a new way of doing and being.
Instead of worrying about what is going to happen, start today to make it happen.
Take a step in the direction that will create that new life I want to live.
I know, babble babble, yada yada...
But I feel intuitively that this may be the path I need at this time.
I feel that I am being led.
People have been appearing with their oh so wise words lately.
Thoughts and ideas that seem to come just at the perfect time.
I will heed them and go where the road leads.
There will be changes here.
I hope you will stick with me through the process.
If I trip up along the way I will just pick up, dust off and start over as our old pastor Father Rudy used to be fond of quoting to the kids.
As I said, it may get bumpy, but what fun is a roller coaster without all the bumps?
That simile is appropriate to this different approach to life.
If I start to falter I will try to reach back to those childhood days.
Days when every moment was an adventure, wrongs were quickly forgotten, all friends were best friends and the next great thing was right around the corner.
Begin...take a step... and see what is waiting for us.
I will encourage you and I would love a few words of encouragement too.
This community is so much about sharing.
I want to say thanks to all of you who have given me the gift of your personal stories.
It is always good to move forward knowing we are not alone.
Not sure where the road will lead but that is half the adventure.
Let's hold on tight over the bumps and enjoy the ride.
Take the first step.
Put it out there and see what comes back
Let's begin, P.