Living Graciously, Artfully, Frugally.

Consciously taking notice of the gifts each day places in our path.

“I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.” R. W. Emerson

Saturday, August 15, 2009

End of Summer Blues

Melancholy summer. The first time there isn't that rush to gather supplies and check that uniforms are clean and tidy. No high school classes to prepare for, much less those sweet elementary school days. Two grown and in college. I have had a summer in which I have floated along feeling unfinished, not moored to anything, slightly unnecessary.
This evening I noticed the change in light that accompanies the tail end of August. The afternoons mellow into a golden gleam. I used to welcome this light, knowing another busy fall was soon approaching. This year it leaves me feeling a bit flat, a little teary.
The empty nest, although actually quite full, with friends in and out, dinners for 3 or 4 extra each night, seems to be sneaking upon me. Is it only mothers who feel bereft when the children are finally ready to fly away?
I took an after dinner swim tonight and as I floated with my eyes closed I could almost feel that I was in my own backyard at 18 or 19, swimming in my parent's pool. When I envision that time, the sky is as blue as the water and fluffy clouds drift overhead. The grass is a mellow glowing green and the scent of flowers wafts by. Memories tend to turn ordinary days into technicolor fantasies that make us long for times past. I do not want my children to know how sad this summer seems to me, because these are their own golden days of youth and all the possibilities it holds.
It is a transition that all mothers and fathers must make. Letting go is so hard but I hope this change will turn to new freedom and opportunity for us as well as our son and daughter.
The change in seasons that approaches always comes with a mix of anticipation and sorrow, for what is to come and what has passed by. I will embrace what is to come with a heart full of hope for great times ahead and a head filled with lovely memories.
To all you mom's out there experiencing the universal angst of motherhood, I would hug each one of you and tell you, "I know just how you feel."

Have a sweet Saturday, P.
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marty39 said...

I do so understand and remember even if it has been years. It is so hard to have them all gone. Seems like you have to totally reinvent yourself and where you're going and what you're going to do. This can be fun, but it is not always easy. All too soon they will be home from college and you will be amazed at the changes that have taken place in them and you. Enjoy the last days of summer. Hugs, Marty

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, I know your angst. DD had her 20th HS reunion this year & next Jan. our son will be 40. Oh God... where-oh-where did the years go????
I had such a case of empty-nest I thought I would not survive. I felt unneeded & not of any value.
Guess what??? You will survive. I have lived through it, not gracefully, but I survived to come out the other side of motherhood to find myself a mother to 2 competent adults.
While I still have tears for the little ones & we have no grandchildren or any hopes of any, life goes on.
Give it a chance...... Shed those tears & realize that now it is your turn to be you!!

The Queen of Clearance said...

This made me tear up a little bit. Im sorry you are feeling this way. I actually...hate summer (gasp!) and am looking forward to its end. I agree with Marilyn (though I have no idea of how this feels yet), that now is the time in your life to be you and enjoy the things you have put off over the years. Have a good rest of the weekend!

Geralyn Gray said...

Hugs back to you Pam......My husband was telling me he hates September....he feels empty every year.....What is he going to feel this year? I have a week left with my children and I think they won't be working, but their friends take priority these days. So if I keep my expectations low maybe we can have some time together......I will savor it!!!!! Don't be too sad...think Silver Bella! Did you see the event in St Louis Mary Engelbriet is doing??? Might have to put that on my wish list????

Dime Store Thrift said...

Man, I am getting tearful over here...that was a great post.

Lou Cinda said...

I am teary too... and I feel your pain! Oldest son will be entering his second year of college and youngest son a Jr. in high school. I am feeling a little un-needed as well....

Lou Cinda